I'm Off to See the Wizard...

Its days like today that it sucks being a military wife. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change being married to a military man. The military has done so many positive things for us but there are just some days that all the sacrifices that you make pile up and weigh you down.


This deployment has had its pros and cons. While I miss the hell out of my husband, the separation has taught us to appreciate each other more. In this case, absence really did make the heart grow fonder. The extra money has provided a security that we’ve been unable to achieve in the past. I have learned things about myself, my strengths and my weaknesses and I’ve had to face and overcome numerous fears. I never realized before how much I absolutely depended on my husband. I think this deployment has helped Greg and I grow as human beings separately so that we can be better together.

That being said, some days this just all out sucks moose balls. I am lonely and sad, depressed and overwhelmed. Some days I feel like I’m absolutely bi-polar; I can be happy and in control one minute then in tears and homicidal the next. I think with every deployment they need to issue Prozac to every military spouse labeled “Use as Needed on “THOSE” days”… because I know we all have them…. Days that everything breaks, the kids are sick, the dog puked on the newly shampooed carpet and you realize that you forgot to pay the mortgage.

Today, I am sitting curled up on my bed in my sweats, the windows open so I can watch the rain, LARGE cup of coffee on my bedside table and textbooks all around me. My Aunt Peggy sent an email this morning that my Uncle Micky is having some complications and is struggling with his battle with cancer. I am having flashbacks to last year when we lost my Grampa Dave to cancer and I was stuck in Missouri unable to be there for my family. Being a military wife means having to leave your roots to plant temporary ones wherever the military tells you to. It means your heart breaking because you’re family needs you and you’re hundreds or thousands miles away with a car that needs an oil change or the brakes done or whatever.

I just want to cook them a meal and bring it to the hospital or sit and have a cup of tea with my aunt. Instead, I sit in rainy Virginia thinking about all that I’ve missed in the past nearly 8 years that I’ve lived away… I couldn’t go to my Jaji Hayna’s funeral because I was in Italy and couldn’t get a flight. When my Aunt Barbara passed, I was 1200 miles away with a sick baby. I wished I had gotten home more often to spend time with her. Grampa Dave passed the morning of my open house trying to sell that damn house in Missouri. Greg was already living in Virginia and I just wanted to burn the damn thing down and pack up my car and leave. Instead, I did what I had to do and I left the next morning. I drove straight through from Missouri to Virginia… 20 hours with 4 kids and 2 dogs, only allowed the kids to stop when I needed gas… Food, potty, and gas all in one stop. I was a woman on a mission. I nearly collapsed when I finally reached Greg. Being a military wife means doing what you have to do even though your heart is breaking. That includes PCSing and having to leave the best friends you’ve ever had, watching your husband go off to war and feeling torn when all you want to do is pick up and go but you know you have to stay.

Just added up with a term paper due for a class I think I’m going to fail anyway, Julia’s eye issue, doctor’s and dentist appointments, school obligations for the kids, soccer, cheerleading, the list goes on…. It’s one of THOSE days.

I need to go see the Wizard of Oz. My brain is fried, my heart is broken, I need the Lion’s courage to face another day and I want a refund on these damn red slippers. No matter how many times I click my heels, they just won’t bring me home.

So Hand Over the Coffee... I’ll need the caffeine to fight off the Flying Monkeys and Midgets!